Telling children about divorce requires careful preparation, age-appropriate communication, and ongoing support throughout the separation process. In Newfoundland and Labrador, research shows that children who receive clear, honest information about their parents' divorce adjust significantly better than those left to fill in gaps with their imagination. Under the Divorce Act, R.S.C. 1985, c. 3, s. 16, courts must consider the best interests of the child as the paramount factor, making how you tell your kids about divorce directly relevant to any parenting arrangement decisions that follow.
| Key Facts | Details |
|---|---|
| Mandatory Program | Parent Information Program (free, required for all court proceedings) |
| Filing Fee | $130 (divorce application) + $60 (judgment) + $20 (certificate) = $210 total |
| Free Support | Family Justice Services (FJS) in 8 locations across NL |
| Key Legislation | Divorce Act, R.S.C. 1985, c. 3 (federal); Children's Law Act, R.S.N.L. 1990, c. C-13 (provincial) |
| Legal Aid | 1-800-563-9911 (automatic eligibility if receiving social assistance) |
| Children's Program | "It's Still O.K." program in St. John's |
Why How You Tell Your Kids About Divorce Matters Under Newfoundland and Labrador Law
Under the Divorce Act, R.S.C. 1985, c. 3, s. 16.1, parents have a legal duty to protect children from conflict arising from divorce proceedings. Section 16.1(3) specifically requires that any person exercising parenting time or decision-making responsibility must do so in a manner consistent with the child's best interests. This legal obligation begins the moment you decide to separate—including how you communicate that decision to your children. Courts in Newfoundland and Labrador consider parental behavior during the divorce process when making parenting orders, meaning that telling your kids about divorce in a way that minimizes conflict and prioritizes their emotional wellbeing can directly influence parenting arrangements.
The 2021 amendments to the Divorce Act introduced 11 specific factors courts must consider when determining best interests, including "the nature and strength of the child's relationship with each spouse" and "each spouse's willingness to support the development and maintenance of the child's relationship with the other spouse." How you tell your kids about divorce—and whether you speak negatively about your co-parent during that conversation—provides early evidence of your commitment to these legal standards.
The Best Approach to Telling Children About Divorce
Research consistently shows that children adjust best when both parents tell them about the divorce together, using a unified message that emphasizes continued love and stability. According to psychological research, children who are told about divorce by both parents simultaneously experience 40-50% less anxiety than those told by one parent alone. The conversation should happen when you have at least 2-3 days to spend with your children afterward—never before school, before they leave for the other parent's house, or before a major event.
The essential messages every child needs to hear, regardless of age, include five key points. First, this is a decision made by adults that has nothing to do with anything the child did or didn't do. Second, both parents will continue to love the child fully. Third, the child will always be taken care of. Fourth, both parents will remain actively involved in the child's life. Fifth, this decision is final and the child cannot change it.
In Newfoundland and Labrador, Family Justice Services recommends that parents prepare a basic schedule outline before the conversation so children understand when they'll see each parent. Having concrete answers to "Where will I sleep?" and "When will I see Daddy/Mommy?" reduces uncertainty and anxiety significantly.
Age-Appropriate Scripts for How to Tell Kids About Divorce
Children process divorce differently depending on their developmental stage, requiring parents to adapt their communication approach accordingly. The Children's Law Act, R.S.N.L. 1990, c. C-13, s. 31 recognizes this by including a child's "needs, given the child's age and stage of development" as a factor in determining best interests.
Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-5)
Children aged 2-5 have limited cognitive ability to understand abstract concepts like divorce. They think concretely and focus on how changes affect their daily routine. Research shows that 70-80% of children in this age group fear abandonment when learning about divorce, making reassurance about continued presence the most critical element.
Sample script for ages 2-5: "Mommy and Daddy have decided to live in different houses. You will have a bedroom at Mommy's house and a bedroom at Daddy's house. We both love you SO much, and that will never, ever change. You will still see both of us all the time."
Key strategies for toddlers include using simple sentences with no more than 5-7 words, repeating key messages multiple times over several days, maintaining normal routines as much as possible immediately after the conversation, and preparing for regression in behaviors like toilet training or sleep habits.
School-Age Children (Ages 6-12)
Children aged 6-12 often believe they caused the divorce through their behavior—studies show 30-40% of children in this age group initially blame themselves. They have developed enough to understand permanence but may hold fantasies about reconciliation for 2-3 years following the divorce. Explaining divorce to children in this age range requires addressing these misconceptions directly.
Sample script for ages 6-12: "We need to talk to you about something important. Mom and Dad have been having grown-up problems that have nothing to do with you. We've tried very hard to fix them, but we've decided that we'll be better parents if we live in separate homes. This is absolutely not your fault—not anything you did or said, and not anything you could have done differently. We both love you just as much as always, and that will never change. You'll spend time at both of our homes."
For this age group, be prepared to answer questions about logistics, avoid details about adult relationship problems, validate their emotions without trying to fix them immediately, and watch for signs of self-blame in the weeks following the conversation.
Teenagers (Ages 13-18)
Teenagers may appear to handle divorce news maturely but often internalize significant distress. Research indicates that 25-30% of teenagers worry about their own future relationships after learning about their parents' divorce. They may also feel angry at one or both parents and may resist spending time according to a parenting schedule.
Sample script for teenagers: "We need to talk with you about something difficult. Your father/mother and I have decided to separate. This hasn't been an easy decision—we've thought about it carefully and tried to work things out. We know this will affect you, and we want you to know that your feelings matter to us. We're both committed to supporting you through this. We'd like to hear your thoughts about how we can make this transition easier for you."
With teenagers, involve them appropriately in schedule discussions without making them decision-makers. Acknowledge they may have complex, mixed emotions. Maintain appropriate boundaries—don't treat them as confidants. Watch for changes in grades, friendships, or risky behaviors.
What to Do in the Days After Explaining Divorce to Children
The first 72 hours after telling children about divorce are critical for establishing emotional safety. During this period, children need extra reassurance, physical affection, and evidence that their daily routine remains stable. Research shows that children who experience consistent parenting during this initial period adjust 50% faster than those whose routines are disrupted.
Specific actions for the first 72 hours include maintaining meal times, bedtimes, and activity schedules without change. Keep your child home from school the day of the conversation so they can process emotions. Allow children to ask questions repeatedly without showing frustration. Avoid introducing any additional changes like new partners, moves, or lifestyle adjustments. Make yourself available for physical comfort—hugs, cuddles, or simply being in the same room.
In Newfoundland and Labrador, the Family Justice Services Parent Information Program emphasizes that children need to see their parents cooperating calmly during this period. The program, which is mandatory for all parents involved in Supreme Court family proceedings, covers these transition strategies in detail.
Common Mistakes to Avoid When Telling Kids About Divorce
Certain approaches to kids and divorce conversations cause measurable harm and can even affect court perceptions of parental fitness. The Divorce Act, R.S.C. 1985, c. 3, s. 16(3)(c) specifically requires courts to consider "each spouse's willingness to support the development and maintenance of the child's relationship with the other spouse" when making parenting orders.
Speaking Negatively About Your Co-Parent
Psychological research shows that children who hear negative comments about one parent from the other experience 60% higher rates of anxiety and depression. In Newfoundland and Labrador, courts consider such behavior when determining parenting arrangements—evidence of parental alienation tactics can result in reduced parenting time.
Providing Too Many Details
Children do not need to know about affairs, financial disagreements, or other adult relationship issues. Sharing these details forces children into the role of confidant and increases their emotional burden by 40-50% according to clinical studies.
Making Promises You Cannot Keep
Statements like "Nothing will change" or "You'll still see me every day" may be impossible to keep. Broken promises during divorce significantly damage children's trust—studies show 35% of children whose parents made and broke promises during divorce report trust issues extending into adulthood.
Telling Children Separately or at Different Times
When one parent tells children before the other, it creates confusion and forces children to manage different information from each parent. Family Justice Services in Newfoundland and Labrador strongly recommends joint conversations to present a unified front.
Legal Considerations for Parenting Arrangements in Newfoundland and Labrador
Under the Divorce Act as amended in 2021, courts in Newfoundland and Labrador must consider 11 specific factors when making parenting orders. Understanding these factors helps parents recognize how their behavior—including how they tell children about divorce—influences legal outcomes.
The best interests factors under Section 16(3) include: the child's needs given age and stage of development; the nature and strength of the child's relationship with each parent, siblings, and grandparents; each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent; the history of care; the child's views and preferences (weighted by age and maturity); cultural, linguistic, religious, and spiritual upbringing including Indigenous heritage; plans for the child's care; ability and willingness of each person to care for and meet the child's needs; ability and willingness to communicate and cooperate on child-related matters; and any family violence and its impact.
| Comparison | Divorce Act (Federal) | Children's Law Act (Provincial) |
|---|---|---|
| Applies to | Married couples divorcing | All parents (married, common-law, never-married) |
| Court | Supreme Court only | Supreme Court or Provincial Court |
| Standard | Best interests of child | Best interests of child |
| Terminology | Parenting time, decision-making responsibility | Parenting order |
| Section | R.S.C. 1985, c. 3, s. 16 | R.S.N.L. 1990, c. C-13, s. 31 |
Free Support Services for Families in Newfoundland and Labrador
Newfoundland and Labrador provides substantial free resources for families going through divorce, all designed to support both parents and children through the transition. Family Justice Services, a division of the Supreme Court, offers comprehensive assistance at no cost to families.
The Parent Information Program is mandatory for all parents with cases before the Supreme Court involving parenting arrangements or child support. Available online at supreme.courtcourses.ca, this program covers the impact of separation on children, effective co-parenting strategies, and the family law process. Each parent attends separately, ensuring both receive the same information about supporting children through divorce.
Family Justice Services also provides free mediation for parenting disputes, screening for family violence, referrals to counseling services, and assistance developing parenting plans. FJS offices are located in St. John's, Clarenville, Marystown, Gander, Grand Falls-Windsor, Stephenville, Labrador City, and Happy Valley-Goose Bay.
For children specifically, the "It's Still O.K." program in St. John's provides counsellor-led group support helping children normalize their feelings and develop coping strategies. This therapeutic program addresses common childhood reactions to divorce including guilt, anger, and fear of abandonment.
Legal Aid Newfoundland and Labrador provides free or low-cost legal representation for families who cannot afford a lawyer. Those receiving social assistance automatically qualify. Others may qualify based on income and assets—there are no strict cut-off thresholds, and each application is assessed individually. Contact Legal Aid at 1-800-563-9911 to determine eligibility.
When Professional Help Is Needed
Some children require professional counseling support beyond what parents can provide. Warning signs that indicate a child may need professional help include persistent sleep disturbances lasting more than 3 weeks, academic performance decline of one full letter grade or more, social withdrawal from friends and activities previously enjoyed, aggressive behavior toward siblings, parents, or peers, regressive behaviors in younger children lasting more than 4-6 weeks, and statements suggesting self-harm or hopelessness.
If you notice these signs, contact your child's pediatrician or family doctor for a referral. In Newfoundland and Labrador, mental health services for children are available through the provincial health authority. The Doorways program offers walk-in mental health services for children and youth without requiring a referral.
Creating a Parenting Plan That Supports Children
A well-crafted parenting plan provides the stability children need while addressing the practical requirements under the Children's Law Act, R.S.N.L. 1990, c. C-13. The Act requires parenting plans to address the child's primary residence, care arrangements, education, health decisions, emotional well-being, lifestyle considerations, and social activities.
Effective parenting plans for children's emotional wellbeing include consistent transition protocols that minimize stress. This means establishing specific pick-up and drop-off times, maintaining calm and brief exchanges between parents, allowing children to bring comfort items between homes, and avoiding discussions of contentious issues during transitions.
The plan should also address communication protocols between parents, including how and when to discuss child-related matters, how to handle emergencies, and how to manage disagreements before they escalate. Under the Divorce Act, ability and willingness to communicate and cooperate is a specific factor courts consider.
Long-Term Support for Kids and Divorce Adjustment
Adjustment to divorce is not an event but a process lasting 2-3 years for most children. Parents should plan for ongoing support strategies beyond the initial conversation. Continuing conversations about the divorce are normal and necessary—children may ask the same questions repeatedly as they process at different developmental stages.
Key milestones that may trigger renewed need for support include the first holidays spent in two homes, one parent beginning a new relationship, changes to the parenting schedule, remarriage of either parent, birth of half-siblings, and major transitions like starting new schools.
Maintaining consistent messages across both households supports adjustment. Research shows children who experience consistent parenting approaches in both homes adjust 45% faster than those navigating different rules and expectations.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best age to tell children about divorce?
There is no ideal age for kids and divorce conversations, but children of all ages need to be told rather than left to discover the separation themselves. Research shows that children as young as 18 months can sense parental conflict, making early, age-appropriate communication essential. In Newfoundland and Labrador, the Parent Information Program recommends telling children as soon as one parent is definitely moving out, giving 2-3 days notice when possible.
Should we tell our children together or separately?
Both parents should tell children about divorce together whenever safely possible. Family Justice Services in Newfoundland and Labrador strongly recommends joint conversations because they present a unified message, prevent children from hearing different versions, demonstrate that parents can cooperate, and reduce the chance of children being used as messengers. The exception is situations involving family violence, where separate conversations with professional guidance may be necessary.
How much should we tell children about why we are divorcing?
Provide a simple, honest reason without adult details. Appropriate explanations include "We've been having grown-up problems we couldn't fix" or "We've grown apart and decided we'll be better parents in separate homes." Never share information about affairs, financial disputes, or detailed relationship issues. Under the Divorce Act, exposing children to parental conflict is considered when assessing best interests.
What if my child asks whose fault the divorce is?
Redirect blame-seeking questions by emphasizing this is an adult decision that both parents made together. Say: "This isn't about fault. Sometimes adults realize they're better at being good parents when they live in different homes. We both still love you completely." Avoid blaming your co-parent even if you feel one person is more responsible—doing so harms children's emotional wellbeing.
How do I handle my child's anger after explaining divorce to them?
Validate anger as a normal, healthy response while maintaining behavioral boundaries. Say: "I understand you're angry, and that's completely okay. This is a big change, and you have every right to feel upset. I'm here to listen whenever you want to talk." Avoid dismissing feelings with statements like "You'll be fine" or trying to immediately fix their emotions. Children typically need 3-6 months to process initial anger.
What if my teenager refuses to follow the parenting schedule after learning about the divorce?
Teenagers often resist imposed schedules, and the Divorce Act, R.S.C. 1985, c. 3, s. 16(3)(e) requires courts to consider a child's views and preferences weighted by age and maturity. Work with your co-parent to involve your teenager in schedule discussions while maintaining that adults make final decisions. If resistance persists, Family Justice Services can provide mediation. Courts in Newfoundland and Labrador do consider older teenagers' preferences but expect parents to encourage relationships with both parents.
Do courts care about how parents tell children about divorce?
Yes. Under Section 16(3)(c) of the Divorce Act, courts must consider "each spouse's willingness to support the development and maintenance of the child's relationship with the other spouse." How you communicate about the divorce—including speaking negatively about your co-parent—provides evidence of this willingness. Parents who demonstrate cooperative communication during the divorce process often receive more favorable parenting arrangements.
What resources are available for children struggling with divorce in Newfoundland and Labrador?
Newfoundland and Labrador offers several free resources for children adjusting to divorce. The "It's Still O.K." program in St. John's provides counsellor-led group support helping children ages 6-12 normalize their feelings and develop coping strategies. Doorways offers walk-in mental health services for children and youth without requiring referrals. School guidance counsellors can provide ongoing support. Family Justice Services can connect families with appropriate local resources based on location and needs.
How long does it take children to adjust to divorce?
Most children require 2-3 years to fully adjust to divorce, though the most intense adjustment period is typically the first 6-12 months. Research shows that 75-80% of children adjust well to divorce long-term when parents minimize conflict, maintain consistent parenting, and support the child's relationship with both parents. Children whose parents complete programs like the mandatory Parent Information Program in Newfoundland and Labrador show better adjustment outcomes.
Is there a mandatory program for divorcing parents in Newfoundland and Labrador?
Yes. The Parent Information Program is mandatory for all parents with family matters before the Supreme Court of Newfoundland and Labrador involving parenting arrangements or child support. The program is free and available online at supreme.courtcourses.ca. Each parent attends separately and learns about the impact of separation on children, parenting after separation, and navigating the family law process. The court refers all applicable cases to Family Justice Services upon filing.