Can Broken Promises About Having Children Be Grounds for Divorce?

Discovering after 26 years that your spouse never intended to fulfill a foundational promise is devastating. The law recognizes that marriages can become irretrievably broken for exactly these reasons, and every state provides a path forward.

Does Refusing to Have Children Qualify as Grounds for Divorce?

Every U.S. state now offers no-fault divorce, meaning you do not need to prove wrongdoing to end your marriage. You simply need to state that the marriage is irretrievably broken or that irreconcilable differences exist. Under Cal. Fam. Code § 2310, for example, irreconcilable differences alone are sufficient. In Texas, Tex. Fam. Code § 6.001 allows divorce when the marriage has become insupportable due to conflict.

Some states still recognize fault-based grounds that may apply here. In New York, N.Y. Dom. Rel. Law § 170 includes "cruel and inhuman treatment" — and courts have recognized that deliberate, sustained deception about fundamental marital agreements can qualify. Approximately 27 states still offer fault-based divorce options alongside no-fault, which can sometimes affect property division or spousal support awards.

How Does a Long Marriage Affect the Divorce Process?

Marriages lasting 20+ years are classified as "long-term" in virtually every jurisdiction, which has significant financial implications:

• Spousal support duration: In long-term marriages, courts in states like California may award permanent or indefinite alimony. After 26 years, a court could order support for an extended period — California's guideline suggests half the length of marriage for marriages under 10 years, but for marriages over 10 years, the court retains indefinite jurisdiction under Cal. Fam. Code § 4336.
• Property division: According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, retirement assets are the most contested item in 62% of long-term divorces. After 26 years, retirement accounts, pensions, and Social Security benefits may all be subject to division. Use our retirement QDRO calculator to understand potential impacts.
• Statistics: The divorce rate for couples married 20+ years has roughly doubled since 1990, a phenomenon researchers call "gray divorce." About 1 in 4 divorces now involves couples over 50.

What About the Stepchildren You Raised?

This is one of the most painful aspects of divorce after raising stepchildren. Unfortunately, in most states, stepparents have limited legal standing regarding children who are not biologically or legally adopted. Only about 8 states have statutes granting stepparents any visitation rights post-divorce. If you never formally adopted your stepchildren, your legal relationship with them may not survive the divorce — though your personal relationship is yours to maintain.

What Steps Should You Take Now?

After a near-death medical event and this revelation, protecting yourself legally and financially is critical:

1. Consult a family law attorney — After 26 years, the financial complexity demands professional guidance. Find an attorney in your area who handles long-term marriage divorces.
2. Gather financial documents — Bank statements, retirement account balances, tax returns, and property records from the entire marriage.
3. Understand your state's laws — Divorce laws vary significantly by jurisdiction, and your state's approach to property division and support will shape your outcome.
4. Consider your health — Courts can factor in health conditions when determining support obligations and timelines. A recent pulmonary embolism is relevant to both your financial needs and the urgency of resolution.

Our guide to the divorce process walks through each stage from filing to final decree. You have every right to move forward — 26 years is not wasted, but staying in a marriage built on a broken promise is not required either.