Can You Get a Divorce Even If Your Marriage Isn't Terrible?

You do not need a dramatic reason to end your marriage. The law does not require you to prove your spouse did something wrong, and falling out of love — while painful — is one of the most common reasons people file for divorce. Roughly 75% of divorces in the United States are filed on no-fault grounds, and "growing apart" consistently ranks among the top reasons cited in post-divorce surveys.

What Is No-Fault Divorce?

Every state now permits no-fault divorce, which means you can dissolve your marriage by stating that the relationship has experienced an "irretrievable breakdown" or that you have "irreconcilable differences" — without assigning blame. For example, under Cal. Fam. Code § 2310, California requires only that you cite irreconcilable differences. In Texas, Tex. Fam. Code § 6.001 allows divorce when the marriage has become "insupportable because of discord or conflict." New York permits divorce after an irretrievable breakdown lasting at least six months under N.Y. Dom. Rel. Law § 170(7).

The emotional experience you describe — caring about your spouse but feeling zero romantic connection — fits squarely within what the law considers sufficient grounds.

Is It Normal to Feel Guilty About Leaving?

Absolutely. Research from the American Psychological Association suggests that approximately 40–50% of U.S. marriages end in divorce, and a significant portion of those involve couples who simply grew apart rather than experienced a crisis. A 2023 survey by the Institute for Family Studies found that "lack of love or intimacy" was the primary reason given in about 47% of divorces — ahead of infidelity (roughly 20%) and conflict (roughly 18%).

Guilt is a natural response, especially when your spouse hasn't done anything overtly harmful. But staying in a marriage solely out of obligation often leads to deeper resentment over time, which can ultimately harm both partners and any children involved. Our guide to the emotional stages of divorce covers what to expect as you process these feelings.

What Steps Should You Take?

If you are considering divorce but feel uncertain, a few practical steps can help:

• Individual therapy first. A therapist can help you determine whether your feelings reflect temporary burnout or a permanent shift. This clarity protects you from regret in either direction.
• Understand your finances. Use our divorce cost estimator to get a realistic picture of the financial implications before making a decision.
• Learn the process. The divorce process varies by state, but uncontested divorces — where both spouses agree on terms — are typically faster, less expensive, and less adversarial. According to Martindale-Nolo research, the average uncontested divorce costs roughly $4,100, compared to $23,300 or more when litigation is involved.
• Consider mediation. If you and your spouse are still on respectful terms, mediation can help you negotiate property division and other terms without a courtroom battle.

Do You Need to Try Counseling First?

Most states do not require couples counseling before granting a divorce. A few states may suggest or offer a waiting period (for example, a 60- or 90-day cooling-off period), but none can force you to remain married. The decision is yours.

Because divorce laws differ significantly between jurisdictions, speaking with a family law attorney in your area is the best way to understand the specific timeline, costs, and requirements that apply to your situation. You do not need permission to prioritize your own well-being.