Research indicates that 10-15% of separated couples reconcile, while approximately 6% of divorced couples remarry each other. In Vermont, if you and your ex-spouse decide to reunite, 15 V.S.A. § 560 permits remarriage immediately after your divorce becomes final, with no waiting period required. Couples who remarry their former spouse have a 72% success rate, significantly higher than the 40% success rate for second marriages to new partners. Understanding the signs of potential reconciliation, combined with knowledge of Vermont's legal framework under 15 V.S.A. Chapter 11, can help you navigate this emotional and legal terrain with clarity.
Key Facts: Vermont Divorce and Remarriage
| Category | Vermont Requirement |
|---|---|
| Filing Fee (Contested) | $295 |
| Filing Fee (Uncontested) | $90 (residents) / $180 (non-residents) |
| Residency Requirement | 6 months to file, 1 year for final decree |
| Separation Period | 6 consecutive months |
| Waiting Period (Nisi) | 90 days after final order (waivable in uncontested cases) |
| Remarriage Waiting Period | None after divorce is absolute |
| Grounds | No-fault (living separate and apart) |
| Property Division | Equitable distribution |
As of March 2026. Verify current fees with the Vermont Superior Court clerk.
Understanding Vermont's Reconciliation Provisions
Vermont law explicitly addresses reconciliation during divorce proceedings under 15 V.S.A. § 552, which requires courts to consider reconciliation if either spouse claims the couple has not lived apart for the required six months or believes reconciliation is reasonably probable. When one spouse raises these issues, the court must continue the case for 30-60 days to allow time for potential reconciliation. This legal provision reflects Vermont's recognition that divorce is not always final until the decree becomes absolute, creating a window of opportunity for couples who may reconsider their decision.
Vermont's 90-day nisi period under 15 V.S.A. § 554 serves as a final reconciliation opportunity after the judge signs the divorce order. During this 90-day window, the divorce is not yet legally final, and couples can still reverse course. In uncontested divorces where both parties agree, this nisi period can be waived. However, in contested cases, the 90-day waiting period cannot be shortened, giving couples additional time to reconsider their decision before it becomes permanent.
12 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back After Divorce
Research from Psychology Today and relationship studies indicates that 40% of divorcing couples have at least one partner open to reconciliation at some point during or after the process. Recognizing signs ex wants you back after divorce requires understanding both verbal and behavioral cues that suggest your former spouse is reconsidering the end of your marriage. The following signs, supported by couples therapy research, typically appear within 12-24 months post-divorce, after which reconciliation becomes statistically less likely.
1. Consistent and Meaningful Communication
Your ex initiates regular contact beyond what is necessary for practical matters like child custody or property division. Studies on divorce regret signs show that maintaining emotional connection through calls, texts, or in-person conversations indicates unresolved feelings. In Vermont, where co-parenting communication is common due to the state's focus on parental rights under 15 V.S.A. § 665, distinguishing between required and voluntary communication is essential. If your ex shares personal feelings, discusses memories, or asks about your emotional well-being rather than limiting conversations to logistics, this suggests deeper interest in reconnection.
2. Expressing Regret About the Divorce
Approximately 40% of divorced individuals report regretting their decision to end their marriage. When your ex directly or indirectly expresses regret, saying things like they wish things had been different or wondering if you made the right choice, these statements signal potential openness to ex spouse reconciliation signs. Vermont's no-fault divorce system under 15 V.S.A. § 551(7) requires only that couples have lived separate and apart for six months with reconciliation being unlikely. If your ex now suggests reconciliation is probable, this directly contradicts the legal basis for the divorce.
3. Making Positive Life Changes
Your ex addresses the specific issues that contributed to your divorce, such as attending therapy, completing anger management, overcoming addiction, or improving financial habits. Research indicates that couples who split due to fixable problems like lack of intimacy or financial hardships have higher reconciliation rates than those who divorced due to fundamental incompatibility. In Vermont, the modification fee for parental rights or maintenance orders is $120 ($35 if stipulated), suggesting the legal system anticipates changed circumstances. When your ex demonstrates measurable personal growth, this signals readiness for a healthier relationship dynamic.
4. Showing Interest in Your Dating Life
When your ex asks questions about whether you are seeing anyone, seems jealous when you mention spending time with others, or appears relieved when you indicate you are single, these reactions suggest unresolved romantic feelings. Getting back together after divorce often begins when one or both parties realize they are not ready to see their former spouse move on. In Vermont, where maintenance under 15 V.S.A. § 752 does not automatically terminate upon the recipient's remarriage, your ex may have additional financial motivations to understand your relationship status.
5. Creating Opportunities for Quality Time
Your ex finds reasons to spend time with you beyond required interactions. They may suggest dinners, outings, or activities you enjoyed together during your marriage. Vermont's emphasis on co-parenting means divorced parents have natural opportunities for shared time around children's activities. However, when your ex extends invitations that do not involve the children or suggests activities reminiscent of your dating days, this indicates interest in rebuilding the romantic relationship rather than just maintaining a functional co-parenting arrangement.
6. Physical Affection and Intimacy Signals
Subtle physical cues such as lingering hugs, finding reasons for casual touch, maintaining eye contact, or standing closer than necessary suggest your ex still has physical attraction toward you. Research shows that physical intimacy often resumes before emotional reconciliation is discussed openly. If your ex displays these behaviors consistently over time rather than in isolated incidents, this pattern indicates genuine interest rather than momentary weakness or confusion.
7. Reminiscing About Positive Memories
Your ex frequently brings up happy memories from your marriage, reminds you of inside jokes, or references the good times you shared together. This behavior serves two purposes: reconnecting emotionally through shared history and testing whether you also hold positive feelings about the relationship. Couples therapy research indicates that ex still loves me divorce situations often involve one partner attempting to rebuild the emotional foundation before discussing reconciliation directly.
8. Supporting You During Difficult Times
When your ex goes out of their way to help you during challenges, whether offering assistance during illness, providing emotional support during family emergencies, or helping with practical problems, this behavior exceeds typical post-divorce courtesy. Vermont law under 15 V.S.A. § 758 allows modification of divorce orders upon showing a real, substantial, and unanticipated change of circumstances. Your ex being present during your difficulties suggests they still feel invested in your welfare despite the legal dissolution of your marriage.
9. Maintaining Relationships with Your Family and Friends
Your ex continues to nurture relationships with your parents, siblings, or close friends even when these connections are not required by custody arrangements. This behavior indicates they are not ready to fully separate their life from yours and may be keeping the door open for potential reconciliation. In Vermont communities, where social circles often overlap due to the state's smaller population of approximately 647,000, maintaining these relationships can be both natural and intentional.
10. Openly Discussing What Went Wrong
Your ex engages in honest conversations about the problems in your marriage and takes responsibility for their contributions to the divorce. Research shows that couples who remarry each other successfully often spend significant time understanding and addressing the original issues. Unlike defensive or blame-focused communication, this type of dialogue demonstrates emotional maturity and genuine interest in preventing repeat failures if you were to reconcile.
11. Making Future-Oriented Statements
Your ex talks about future possibilities that include you, whether suggesting you might take a trip together someday, discussing how you might handle future events involving your children, or making references to you and me in future scenarios. These statements indicate your ex is mentally including you in their vision of the future, a significant shift from the finality typically associated with divorce.
12. Directly Asking About Reconciliation
The clearest sign is when your ex directly asks whether you would consider getting back together. While this may seem obvious, many people who want to reconcile test the waters through indirect signals before making this direct approach. In Vermont, where the average divorce cost ranges from $12,000 to $19,000 for contested cases, the financial and emotional investment of divorce often prompts serious reflection before either party suggests reversing course.
Divorce Regret Signs: Research-Based Indicators
Understanding divorce regret signs requires recognizing that regret manifests differently in different individuals. Research from relationship studies indicates that regret often peaks between 6-18 months post-divorce, after the initial relief has faded but before new life patterns are fully established. In Vermont, where the one-year residency requirement under 15 V.S.A. § 592 means divorces take at least 12 months from initial filing to final decree, this timeline often coincides with the divorce becoming absolute.
Common divorce regret patterns include expressing nostalgia for married life, comparing current circumstances unfavorably to the marriage, showing disappointment with post-divorce dating experiences, and acknowledging that problems in the marriage may have been solvable with better communication or professional help. When your ex displays multiple regret signs consistently over several months, this pattern suggests genuine reconsideration rather than temporary emotional fluctuation.
Legal Considerations for Reconciliation in Vermont
Vermont law provides a clear path for divorced couples who wish to reunite. Under 15 V.S.A. § 560, when a marriage is dissolved, the parties shall be deemed single and may lawfully marry again. Vermont imposes no waiting period for remarriage after the divorce becomes absolute, meaning couples can remarry immediately once the 90-day nisi period ends or is waived.
Remarriage vs. Cohabitation
Vermont couples considering reconciliation should understand the legal differences between remarriage and cohabitation. Under 15 V.S.A. § 752, Vermont is unique in that spousal maintenance does not automatically terminate upon the recipient's remarriage or cohabitation. Instead, the paying spouse must request a review and demonstrate that the recipient's financial circumstances have significantly improved. This means that reconciling couples who cohabit rather than remarry may not experience automatic changes to maintenance obligations.
Impact on Property Settlements
Divorce decrees in Vermont include property division under 15 V.S.A. § 751, which becomes final when the divorce is absolute. If you reconcile and later divorce again, property acquired after the first divorce would be subject to division in the second divorce proceedings. Couples who remarry should consider whether prenuptial agreements are appropriate to address assets accumulated between the first and second marriage.
Child Custody Considerations
Parental rights and responsibilities orders under 15 V.S.A. § 665 can be modified upon showing a substantial change in circumstances. Remarriage to your former spouse would likely constitute such a change, allowing you to petition for modification of custody arrangements. The modification filing fee is $120, or $35 if both parties agree to the new terms.
Steps for Healthy Reconciliation
Research shows that remarried former spouses have a 72% success rate, but this outcome requires intentional effort to address the issues that caused the original divorce. Couples therapy experts recommend several approaches for successful reconciliation.
Seek Professional Counseling
Individual and couples therapy should begin before reconciliation to ensure both parties understand why the marriage ended and have developed healthier relationship skills. Vermont's community mental health centers and private practitioners offer services statewide. The investment in professional support before remarriage significantly increases the likelihood of long-term success.
Allow Adequate Time
Research from Dr. David Hale at the University of Louisiana at Monroe suggests that 2-6 months of separation allows couples to resolve issues while maintaining emotional connection. Longer separations may create emotional distance that becomes difficult to bridge. If signs ex wants you back after divorce appear within this window, reconciliation prospects are statistically more favorable.
Address Root Causes
Couples who divorced due to addressable issues like communication problems, financial stress, or work-life balance have higher reconciliation success rates than those who divorced due to fundamental incompatibility or abuse. Honest assessment of whether root causes have genuinely changed is essential before committing to reconciliation.
Create New Relationship Patterns
Successful reconciliation requires building new relationship habits rather than reverting to old patterns. This includes establishing better communication protocols, creating shared goals, and developing conflict resolution skills. The second marriage should feel distinctly different from the first, even though it involves the same partners.
Comparison: Reconciliation vs. Starting Fresh
| Factor | Reconciling with Ex | New Relationship |
|---|---|---|
| Success Rate | 72% for remarried couples | 40% for second marriages overall |
| Time Investment | Shared history reduces dating period | 2-5 years typical courtship |
| Family Integration | Existing relationships intact | Building new family dynamics |
| Financial Considerations | May avoid duplicate divorce costs | Clean financial start |
| Child Impact | Reunited family structure | Blended family complexities |
| Risk Level | Known issues may recur | Unknown compatibility issues |
When Reconciliation Is Not Advisable
Not all divorces should be reversed. Research indicates that couples who divorced due to abuse (19% of divorces according to University of Pennsylvania research), addiction without recovery, or fundamental value incompatibility rarely succeed in reconciliation. Signs that reconciliation should not be pursued include ongoing abusive behavior, lack of genuine change in the issues that caused the divorce, pressure from children or family rather than mutual desire, and financial motivations rather than emotional reconnection.
Vermont provides protective resources through the Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence for individuals in potentially dangerous situations. If your ex shows signs of wanting reconciliation but the marriage ended due to abuse, consulting with domestic violence advocates before considering any reunion is essential.
Vermont Resources for Post-Divorce Support
Vermont offers several resources for individuals navigating post-divorce decisions:
- Vermont Judiciary Self-Help Resources: vtcourts.gov/self-help provides forms and guidance for legal modifications
- Vermont Legal Aid: vtlawhelp.org offers assistance for low-income individuals
- Community Mental Health Centers: Statewide counseling services for individuals and couples
- COPE Program: Mandatory 4-hour co-parenting class ($79, reduced fees available) provides communication tools useful for reconciling parents