Telling children about divorce ranks among the most difficult conversations parents face, with research showing that 42-53% of marriages in North America end in divorce, affecting millions of children each year. New Brunswick parents navigating this conversation have access to specific provincial resources, including the free Parent Information Program (PIP), designed to help families minimize psychological harm to children. This guide provides evidence-based, age-appropriate strategies for explaining divorce to children while complying with New Brunswick's family law framework under the Family Law Act, SNB 2020, c. 23 and the federal Divorce Act, R.S.C. 1985, c. 3.
| Key Facts | Details |
|---|---|
| Filing Fee | $110 ($100 petition + $10 Clearance Certificate) |
| Waiting Period | 31 days minimum after judgment |
| Residency Requirement | 1 year habitual residence in New Brunswick |
| Grounds for Divorce | Breakdown of marriage (1 year separation, adultery, or cruelty) |
| Parenting Framework | Best interests of the child under Divorce Act, s. 16 |
| Parent Education | Free PIP program available at familylawnb.ca |
Why Having the Conversation Together Matters for New Brunswick Families
New Brunswick courts require divorcing parents with children to address parenting arrangements based on the best interests of the child, making how you tell your children about divorce legally and psychologically significant. Research published in the Journal of Family Issues (2024) demonstrates that children whose parents present a unified front during the initial divorce conversation show 35% lower anxiety symptoms six months later compared to children who learn about divorce from one parent alone. Under Section 16(3) of the Divorce Act, courts evaluate each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent when making parenting orders.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that both parents deliver the news together whenever safely possible, using consistent messaging that emphasizes the child will continue to be loved by both parents. This unified approach also aligns with New Brunswick's emphasis on cooperative parenting under the Family Law Act, s. 50, which lists factors courts consider when determining best interests, including the ability and willingness of each parent to communicate and cooperate on matters affecting the child.
Parents should plan the conversation in advance, agreeing on key messages before sitting down with children. The core message should be delivered in a calm, private setting at home, ideally on a day when children will have time to process the information without immediate obligations like school or activities.
Age-Appropriate Strategies for Telling Children About Divorce
Children process divorce differently depending on their developmental stage, requiring parents to tailor their approach based on the child's age, cognitive development, and emotional maturity. Research from the University of Nebraska Extension indicates that children ages 3-5 experience the highest rates of self-blame, while children ages 9-12 most frequently experience loyalty conflicts between parents.
Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-5)
Young children need simple, concrete explanations limited to 2-3 short sentences that focus on changes they will see in their daily lives. Tell preschoolers: "Mommy and Daddy are going to live in different houses. You will have a bedroom at both houses. We both love you very much, and that will never change." Avoid abstract concepts like "falling out of love" that children this age cannot comprehend.
Children ages 2-5 may regress developmentally, experiencing bedwetting, thumb-sucking, or sleep disturbances in the weeks following the disclosure. Maintain consistent routines as much as possible, as New Brunswick's Parent Information Program emphasizes that stability helps young children feel secure during family transitions. Expect to repeat the basic explanation multiple times over several weeks as young children gradually absorb the information.
School-Age Children (Ages 6-12)
School-age children understand more about relationships but frequently blame themselves for their parents' divorce. According to Psychology Today (2025), approximately 45% of children ages 6-12 initially believe they caused the divorce through their behavior. Directly address this concern by stating: "This divorce is a decision between grown-ups. You did not cause this, and nothing you did made us stop getting along. Both of us will always be your parents."
Children in this age group benefit from specific, practical information about how their daily lives will change. Explain where they will live, what school they will attend, and how they will spend time with each parent. New Brunswick courts use parenting time arrangements that prioritize the child's physical, emotional, and psychological safety under Divorce Act, s. 16(2), meaning parents should present arrangements that reflect stability and consistency.
Allow school-age children to ask questions, and answer honestly without providing adult details about the reasons for the divorce. A response like "Mom and Dad have different ideas about how to be married, and we've decided we'll all be happier living in two homes" provides enough information without overwhelming the child.
Teenagers (Ages 13-18)
Teenagers require more detailed explanations and may feel entitled to know the reasons behind the divorce. While parents should provide age-appropriate honesty, research from HelpGuide.org indicates that blaming the other parent damages the teenager's adjustment and can lead to loyalty conflicts that affect their own future relationships. Avoid statements like "Your father had an affair" or "Your mother refuses to compromise."
Teens may react with anger, withdrawal, or apparent indifference. All of these responses are developmentally normal. New Brunswick's Family Law Act recognizes that older children's views carry more weight in parenting decisions, with Section 50 requiring courts to consider the child's views and preferences given the child's age and maturity. This does not mean teenagers should decide parenting arrangements, but their preferences should be heard.
Maintain high expectations for teenagers' behavior and academics while acknowledging their emotional responses. Research shows that teenagers whose parents maintain consistent boundaries during divorce show better long-term adjustment than those whose parents become permissive out of guilt.
The Best Time and Place to Tell Your Kids About Divorce
Timing the divorce conversation strategically reduces initial trauma and gives children space to process their emotions. Child psychologists recommend telling children 2-3 weeks before any physical separation occurs, providing enough time for questions and adjustment without an extended period of anticipatory anxiety. Choose a private location at home where children feel comfortable, such as the family room or kitchen.
Avoid telling children about divorce immediately before bedtime, school, or important events like birthdays, holidays, or exams. The ideal time is a weekend morning or early afternoon when children have the rest of the day to process emotions with both parents available for comfort and questions. If telling children on different days is necessary (for example, if children are at different locations), tell all children within 24 hours to prevent one child from inadvertently revealing the news to siblings.
New Brunswick's Parent Information Program recommends that parents have a follow-up conversation within 1-2 days after the initial disclosure to answer additional questions and provide reassurance. This follow-up is especially important for younger children who may not fully absorb the information immediately.
What to Say (and What to Avoid) When Explaining Divorce to Children
The specific words parents use during the initial conversation significantly impact children's adjustment. Research indicates that children who receive clear, honest, and reassuring explanations show 40% better emotional adjustment at the 6-month mark compared to children who receive vague or blaming explanations.
Key Messages to Include
- "We both love you, and that will never change."
- "This is a decision between Mom and Dad. You did not cause this."
- "You will always have both of your parents."
- "We will both always take care of you."
- "You are allowed to love both of us."
- "We will figure out together where you will live and how you will see both of us."
Statements to Avoid
- Blaming the other parent: "Your mother wants this divorce, not me."
- Providing adult details: "Dad has been seeing someone else."
- Making promises you cannot keep: "Nothing will change."
- Asking children to choose sides: "Who would you rather live with?"
- Using children as messengers: "Tell your father I need the support check."
- Expressing excessive emotion that frightens children
Under New Brunswick law, parenting arrangements must serve the child's best interests, not parental preferences. Section 16(3)(c) of the Divorce Act specifically evaluates each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent. Parents who disparage the other parent during and after divorce may find this reflected in court decisions regarding parenting time and decision-making responsibility.
New Brunswick Resources for Families: The Parent Information Program
New Brunswick provides the Parent Information Program (PIP), a free self-guided online course available at familylawnb.ca that helps separating parents understand the impact of divorce on children and develop strategies for healthy co-parenting. The program consists of three components: a one-hour parent information video, a 20-minute family law information video, and a 20-30 minute multiple-choice quiz.
While PIP is not mandatory for all New Brunswick divorces, under Rule 81.09 of the Rules of Court, judges may direct parents in contested proceedings to complete parent education programs. Completing PIP demonstrates to the court a parent's commitment to the child's well-being and can be referenced in affidavits supporting parenting arrangements.
Access PIP at familylawnb.ca/english/pip or by calling 1-844-673-4499. The program can be completed at your own pace from home and provides a certificate of completion.
| New Brunswick Family Resources | Contact Information |
|---|---|
| Parent Information Program (PIP) | familylawnb.ca/english/pip |
| Family Law NB | familylawnb.ca |
| Legal Aid New Brunswick | 1-800-442-8900 |
| Kids Help Phone | 1-800-668-6868 |
| New Brunswick Court Services | 1-844-673-4499 |
How New Brunswick Courts Handle Parenting Arrangements
Understanding New Brunswick's legal framework for parenting arrangements helps parents prepare children for what comes next. Since March 1, 2021, New Brunswick courts no longer use the terms "custody" and "access." Instead, the Divorce Act and Family Law Act use "parenting time" (time each parent spends with the child) and "decision-making responsibility" (authority to make significant decisions about the child's health, education, religion, and extracurricular activities).
New Brunswick courts apply the best interests of the child standard under Divorce Act, s. 16(2), giving primary consideration to the child's physical, emotional, and psychological safety, security, and well-being. Under Section 16(3), courts consider factors including:
- The child's needs given their age and developmental stage
- The nature and strength of the child's relationship with each parent
- Each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent
- The child's views and preferences, given their age and maturity
- The child's cultural, linguistic, religious, and spiritual heritage
- Any history of family violence
- Each parent's ability and willingness to care for the child
New Brunswick courts also consider family violence under Section 16(4), evaluating the nature, severity, and frequency of violence and its impact on the child. If family violence is present, safety planning takes priority over other considerations when telling children about divorce.
Managing Children's Emotional Reactions After the Conversation
Children's initial reactions to learning about divorce vary widely and may change over days and weeks. Research published in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage indicates that 65% of children initially react with sadness, 45% with anger, 35% with denial, and 25% with relief (percentages exceed 100% due to multiple emotions). These reactions are normal and do not predict long-term adjustment.
Common Reactions by Age
Toddlers and preschoolers (ages 2-5) may regress developmentally, becoming clingier, having sleep difficulties, or returning to behaviors they had outgrown. School-age children (ages 6-12) may become withdrawn, experience declining grades, or act out behaviorally. Teenagers may display anger, withdrawal, or seem unaffected as a defense mechanism.
Helpful Parent Responses
- Validate emotions: "I can see you're feeling sad. That makes sense."
- Remain available: "I'm here whenever you want to talk."
- Maintain routines: Keep bedtimes, meals, and activities consistent
- Encourage expression: Let children draw, write, or play out their feelings
- Avoid excessive reassurance: Constant reassurance can signal that something is wrong
If children's reactions persist beyond 6 months or include signs of depression (persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, changes in eating or sleeping, statements about self-harm), consult a mental health professional. New Brunswick children can access counseling through their school guidance counselor, family physician referral, or community mental health centers.
When Children Need Professional Support
While most children adjust to divorce within 1-2 years with appropriate parental support, approximately 15-20% of children experience significant long-term difficulties that benefit from professional intervention. Warning signs that indicate a child needs professional support include:
- Persistent depression or anxiety lasting more than 6 months
- Significant academic decline (drop of one letter grade or more)
- Social withdrawal from friends and activities
- Self-harm or statements about wanting to die
- Extreme anger or behavioral problems
- Persistent physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches) without medical cause
- Sleep disturbances lasting more than 4 weeks
- Regression to much younger behaviors lasting more than 4 weeks
New Brunswick families can access children's mental health services through several pathways. Contact your child's family physician for a referral to a child psychologist or psychiatrist. School guidance counselors can provide initial support and facilitate referrals. Community mental health centers offer sliding-scale fees based on income. Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) provides free, confidential support for children and teenagers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
How Telling Children About Divorce Affects Parenting Arrangements in Court
The manner in which parents tell children about divorce can become relevant in contested parenting proceedings in New Brunswick courts. Under the best interests analysis, courts evaluate each parent's judgment and ability to shield children from parental conflict. Parents who involve children in adult disputes, disparage the other parent, or use children as messengers may receive less parenting time or reduced decision-making responsibility.
Section 16(3)(c) of the Divorce Act requires courts to consider each spouse's willingness to support the development and maintenance of the child's relationship with the other spouse. Parents who tell children one-sided versions of the divorce, share inappropriate details, or encourage children to reject the other parent demonstrate unwillingness to support the child's relationship, potentially affecting court outcomes.
Conversely, parents who handle the divorce conversation appropriately, maintain neutral language about the other parent, and support the child's relationship with both parents demonstrate the cooperative approach New Brunswick courts favor under Family Law Act, s. 50.
Creating a Parenting Plan That Prioritizes Children's Needs
After telling children about divorce, parents must work toward a parenting plan that addresses parenting time schedules, decision-making responsibilities, communication protocols, and dispute resolution mechanisms. New Brunswick strongly encourages parents to develop parenting plans through negotiation or mediation rather than litigation, as research shows that children adjust better when parents avoid prolonged court conflict.
A comprehensive New Brunswick parenting plan addresses:
- Regular parenting time schedule (weekly, biweekly, or other arrangement)
- Holiday and vacation schedules
- Decision-making responsibility allocation (joint, sole, or divided by category)
- Communication methods between parents
- Communication between children and the non-residential parent
- Procedures for schedule changes
- Dispute resolution processes
- Relocation provisions
Parenting plans become court orders once filed with the Court of King's Bench, Family Division. The $75 filing fee for parenting arrangements applications applies under Rules of Court, Rule 73.20. Parents receiving social assistance under the Family Income Security Act or represented by Legal Aid may qualify for fee waivers.
Long-Term Communication: Talking About Divorce as Children Grow
Telling children about divorce is not a single conversation but an ongoing dialogue that evolves as children develop. Children who were preschoolers when their parents divorced will need age-appropriate explanations again as school-age children and teenagers. Research indicates that children's understanding of divorce deepens around ages 8-10, often prompting new questions about why the divorce happened.
Maintain open communication about the divorce throughout childhood by:
- Answering questions honestly and age-appropriately when they arise
- Avoiding the temptation to provide more detail as children get older
- Never speaking negatively about the other parent, even in response to children's complaints
- Acknowledging children's ongoing feelings about the divorce
- Normalizing the two-household arrangement as the family's structure
- Supporting children through transitions (new partners, remarriage, blended families)
New Brunswick's Family Law Act and Divorce Act both recognize that parenting arrangements may need modification as children grow and circumstances change. Parents can apply to vary parenting orders when there has been a material change in circumstances under Divorce Act, s. 17, allowing arrangements to evolve with children's needs.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best age to tell children about divorce?
There is no universally "best" age for children to learn about divorce, but research indicates that children under age 3 experience less immediate distress because they do not yet fully understand the concept of divorce. However, children told at younger ages may need re-explanation as they develop. For children ages 3-5, focus on concrete changes; for ages 6-12, address self-blame directly; for teenagers, provide more context while avoiding blame. Regardless of age, the quality of the conversation matters more than timing.
Should both parents tell the children together about the divorce?
Yes, child psychologists and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend that both parents tell children together whenever safely possible. Research shows children whose parents present a unified message experience 35% lower anxiety at 6 months post-divorce. This approach demonstrates parental cooperation and prevents children from hearing different versions of events. If domestic violence or high conflict makes a joint conversation unsafe, the non-abusive parent should tell children alone in a safe setting.
How do New Brunswick courts view parents who speak negatively about each other to children?
New Brunswick courts view parental alienation and disparagement negatively under the best interests analysis. Divorce Act, s. 16(3)(c) requires courts to evaluate each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent. Parents who disparage the other parent, involve children in adult conflicts, or encourage children to reject the other parent may receive reduced parenting time or decision-making responsibility. Courts prioritize children's relationships with both parents.
What is New Brunswick's Parent Information Program (PIP)?
The Parent Information Program (PIP) is a free self-guided online course for separating and divorcing parents in New Brunswick, available at familylawnb.ca/english/pip. The program includes a one-hour parent information video, a 20-minute family law information video, and a 20-30 minute quiz. While not mandatory for all divorces, judges may direct parents to complete PIP under Rule 81.09. The program provides strategies for minimizing divorce's impact on children and facilitating cooperative co-parenting.
How much does it cost to file for divorce in New Brunswick?
The divorce filing fee in New Brunswick is $110 total, consisting of $100 for the petition and $10 for the Clearance Certificate from the Central Registry of Divorce Proceedings in Ottawa. Filing for parenting arrangements alone costs $75. After the divorce judgment becomes effective, a Certificate of Divorce costs $7. Fee waivers are available for recipients of social assistance under the Family Income Security Act and for those represented by Legal Aid. As of May 2026, verify fees with your local court clerk.
What is the difference between parenting time and decision-making responsibility?
Parenting time refers to the time each parent spends with the child, during which that parent is responsible for routine day-to-day decisions. Decision-making responsibility refers to the authority to make significant decisions about the child's well-being, including decisions about health, education, religion, culture, language, and significant extracurricular activities. Under New Brunswick's Family Law Act, parents may share decision-making responsibility jointly or divide it by category.
How long do children typically take to adjust to divorce?
Research indicates that most children adjust to divorce within 1-2 years when parents provide appropriate support, maintain stable routines, and avoid involving children in conflict. However, approximately 15-20% of children experience longer-term difficulties requiring professional support. Factors that improve adjustment include consistent parenting across households, low parental conflict, stable living arrangements, and maintaining relationships with both parents. Children who witness ongoing parental conflict take significantly longer to adjust.
Can children decide which parent they want to live with in New Brunswick?
Children do not decide parenting arrangements in New Brunswick, but courts consider children's views and preferences as one factor under Divorce Act, s. 16(3)(d), giving appropriate weight based on the child's age and maturity. Generally, courts give more weight to teenagers' preferences than to younger children's. However, the court ultimately decides based on the child's best interests, and children should never be pressured to state a preference or made to feel responsible for parenting arrangements.