How Does Discovering a Spouse's Affair Affect the Divorce Process?

Does Infidelity Matter Legally in Divorce?

The legal impact of a spouse's affair depends entirely on your jurisdiction. Currently, all 50 U.S. states offer no-fault divorce, meaning you can file without proving wrongdoing — irreconcilable differences or an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage is sufficient. However, roughly 30 states still allow fault-based grounds alongside no-fault options, and adultery is a recognized fault ground in most of them.

In states like New York, Texas, and Virginia, filing on fault grounds of adultery can affect the outcome. Under N.Y. Dom. Rel. Law § 170, adultery is a specific ground for divorce, and under N.Y. Dom. Rel. Law § 236, marital fault may be considered in equitable distribution and spousal maintenance decisions. In Texas, Tex. Fam. Code § 6.003 lists adultery as a ground for divorce, and courts may award a disproportionate share of the community estate to the faithful spouse.

According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 20–40% of divorces involve infidelity as a contributing factor. A 2023 Institute for Family Studies survey found that about 16% of married adults reported having had an affair during their current marriage.

How Does Adultery Affect Alimony and Property Division?

In fault-relevant states, proving adultery can influence spousal support awards. For example, in Virginia, a spouse who commits adultery is generally barred from receiving spousal support under Va. Code § 20-107.1, unless denying support would create a manifest injustice. In North Carolina, a dependent spouse who committed adultery may be barred from alimony entirely under N.C. Gen. Stat. § 50-16.3A.

For property division, the impact varies. Community property states like California generally divide assets 50/50 regardless of fault. Equitable distribution states may consider fault as one of many factors, though marital misconduct that dissipated assets — such as spending money on an affair partner — is more likely to influence the outcome than the affair itself.

Use our divorce cost estimator to understand the financial scope of your situation.

What About the Emotional Side?

The scenario you describe — discovering the affair through messages, the spouse's lack of denial, and the attempt to reconcile before ultimately divorcing — is extremely common. Research from the Gottman Institute indicates that only about 15–16% of marriages survive infidelity long-term. The emotional processing often takes considerably longer than the legal process itself.

What Steps Should You Take Now?

Since your divorce is already finalized, the key question is whether the settlement was fair. If you believe adultery should have been factored into the outcome and it wasn't, the window to challenge a divorce decree is narrow — typically 30 days to one year depending on your state.

If you're still navigating the aftermath, consider consulting a family law attorney in your jurisdiction to review whether your settlement adequately addressed the circumstances. You can find an attorney in your area through our directory. For more on navigating the overall process, explore our Divorce Questions hub for answers to the most common concerns.